


Catching Up

by Viridian5



Category: Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-02-15
Updated: 1999-02-15
Packaged: 2017-10-02 08:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete shares his daily obsession with Berg.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catching Up

**Author's Note:**

> No spoilers, though the basic concept comes from finding out in "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Graduation" that Pete is a soap opera fanatic.
> 
> The plotlines and characters discussed here come from _The Bold and the Beautiful_, which I used to watch years ago in my misspent youth. I'm not infringing or making any money off of that show either.

"This isn't making any sense," Berg said as he snuggled his head deeper into Pete's lap. As his roommate stroked his hair, he caressed the knee beneath him in small, circular motions.

"It's really easy once you've been watching it for a while," Pete said as he pressed a little harder. Berg sighed happily. "That's Sheila. She's a nutcase, but a very talented nutcase. She has falsified paternity records and nearly killed almost every member of the cast. The man with her is James, a psychiatrist she once kept in a dungeon she built in her basement."

"Sounds like my kind of woman."

"You frighten me more every day, Berg. James is married to another woman, Maggie, who doesn't understand why he's still nice to the woman who kidnapped and tormented him. Right now, Sheila is trying to kidnap their child to get James back."

"But James would be much happier if he realized he _wants_ to be Sheila's bitch. I'm sure he misses the strap-on..."

"Probably, and _thank you_ for forcing me to think of that actor naked and getting reamed." Pete shuddered.

Berg enjoyed the motion. "He's not bad looking, just older."

"Didn't want to know, did _not_ want to know... I am a'scared."

"Always glad to oblige. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't force-feed you at least one disturbing image a day." Berg picked up a handful of popcorn and fed Pete a few buttery kernels. He didn't take his hand away until his roommate had thoroughly licked his fingers. "Now who are _these_ people?"

"Brooke and Ridge."

"What the hell is up with these names?"

"It's a soap opera. I think it's a law."

"They're stupid. The worst ones are on the people named after natural phenomena."

"Says the man who calls himself 'Berg.'"

"Bite me." When Pete just looked fondly down at him, Berg said, "Please?"

"Later. They've been desperately in love for seven years, but fate and misunderstandings keep getting in the way. He's been married twice to other people while he was still in love with her: one time to a woman who died of some slow disease that makes you gracefully waste away and the other to a woman he thinks is dead in a plane crash but is really living as an amnesiac in a palace in a Middle Eastern kingdom."

"Suuuure."

"I'm not kidding. Brooke was married to Ridge's father at one point. While she was still in love with Ridge."

"So she used to be his stepmother? Kinky. But who'd want to marry anyone with a track record like his?"

"We're not dealing with brilliant people here."

"Obviously."

"I think all the characters spend so much time interfering with each other's lives just because they've all slept together at some point. And because most of them are rich with a lot of time on their hands."

"Why should I care about the petty problems of a bunch of oversexed, bitchy trust fund babies? You need diagrams to keep up with them all."

"Because soap operas are addictive?"

"Pete, I have to do an intervention. You have a problem."

"Do not!"

"Sure, you do. You need to find something more constructive to do with your time." Berg rubbed his head against the bulge behind him before looking up with a big grin. "Hey, baby, wanna be my bitch?"

Pete rubbed back. "I don't know. Do you have a dungeon in the boiler room you haven't told me about?"

"I could build one."

"Then I'm yours."

### End


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